Strictly Platonic, Of Course

Having been on Craigslist for a number of hours this past week--looking for a house in Tucson--I've discovered that there's more than just cars and houses to buy.  Well, duh--everyone knows this, right?  But one thing I didn't know, was that Craigslist had personal ads!  I thought the point was just to sell, well...stuff!  Little did I know, (but quickly found out) that Craigslist allows people to advertise themselves.

What first caught my eye underneath this "Personals" heading was something I'd never seen before.  Did you know that you can find "strictly platonic" relationships on Craigslist?  I didn't, and was intensely curious about what this all involved.  It proved to be some easy research.  In just a couple clicks, I came up with a variety of voices in the ads.  Some voices were tame, some sexual, some even ultra-religious.  I'll throw in some red parenthetical phrases so you can see my first impressions.

hello there! My name is dave, I'm a compulsive runner and am looking for running buddies (sounds cool), I don't care what sex you are, your persuasion, etc.. just that you like to run (good!).. I also don't care if you run slow, just that you wont poop (What?  That I won't poop?) out before the 3 mile mark (oh, I see!). I'm in a relationship btw so this is definitely not a hookup/workout kinda thing(good to know)... I love to talk when I run and it's hard to keep motivated without a good group of semi-reliable running friends. I've done a bit of trail running and would like to do it more regularly, like once a week to break up my normal running routine. I live about 7 miles round trip from a-mountain and that's a fun run too :) 

a little about me- I'm a part owner of 'shot in the dark cafe', kinda a hippy, but I'm also in the army reserve, go figure (right, very ironic combination):P I'm very open minded and outgoing... I like barefoot running (really?  I think that's kinda weird) :) I personally believe the running shoe industry is a big conspiracy to injure runners (I don't agree with you) but I wont fault you if you don't agree with me (Oh! You're telepathic!) btw, did you know that that studies show that the more you spend on running shoes the more likely you are to sustain injuries... hmmmm.. food for thought... I play guitar and am a nerd... an in-shape nerd :) wanna train for a marathon, I'm down, woohoo lets go run 

dave 

Dave's a good guy--especially for Craigslist Personals standards.  Can you really blame him for wanting a running buddy?  I'm going to want a running buddy--scratch that--ANY buddy when I get into Tucson as well.  It takes a lot of vulnerability to advertise yourself in such a way on Craigslist.  But I don't think I'm ready for that availability, that nakedness--in the "strictly platonic" ways they mentioned.

Speaking of nakedness, here's an ad that falls under the same heading.  This is from a 60-year-old man looking for "Nude coed partying":

Is there any place in Tucson where guys and gals can party and swim nude? 

Go sixty-year-old man, you got more balls than me!  You don't discriminate either--you just want to go where the naked people are.  Some advertisers though prove to be a little more specific in what they want in a friend.  Take this lady, for example.  Oh, she has a picture too.

I am a Born Again Pentecostal Christian (Oh man, this is gonna be good). I have been divorced for 3 years. I do not smoke, do not use drugs and rarely drink. I am not interested in FWB, or a sexually based relationship and I will NOT under any circumstances date a married man (you tell them, sistah). I am unemployed so I am just looking for a friend, someone to chat with for now. When I find a job I will consider dating. If you want to know why, ask me. I am looking for a friend who is a Born again, Holy Spirit filled Christian (sweet, bajesus!). Must NOT smoke, rarely or never drink, does NOT use any kind of drugs, is NOT looking for a FWB (just realized this stands for Friends With Benefits) or a sexually based relationship and is NOT (she loves her CAPS) married (but not married men). I have a few extra pounds (honest, yes, appealing? no) but that is not what a TRUE Christian man should be concerned about (of course not!). A TRUE Christian man does NOT care about body type, but where a persons heart is, her commitment to God (right, right, right). I prefer a man who puts God first in every aspect of his life (even when he picks out cereal?), believes in tithing (tithing?  As in, good tithings we bring?) and prosperity and believes in a GODLY relationship (how so?). If you smoke, use drugs, are a person who drinks on a regular basis is looking for sex or is married please DO NOT (yikes!) respond. If you have read this far and want to know more about me (oh, yes indeed!), send me an e-mail with a photo. The photo that I have posted is a year old, my hair is actually longer now. (ha--that part was my favorite, she sounds a little more sympathetic, humane, and even cute for a moment).

What I find so interesting about this woman, is that she's older.  Her note is much more serious than most of the others I've read.  Hers make me pause for a second--looking at her picture especially--because she's taking this service seriously.  Her picture is genuine.  Her words are genuine (if not crazy Pentecostal).  But however crazy she is, however much I laugh at her NOTs and GODLYs and FWBs, it makes me sad.  The title for her ad is: "Lonely lady looking for friend first."  She's fifty-five.  It makes me think, "How long have you been lonely?"  How hard that must be to become that desperate that you need to post online for friendship.  Or is it desperate?  Is it really just...brave?  Brave in the sense that she's no longer sitting on her ass complaining that she's lonely; she's at least trying to do something about it.

I'll be moving to Tucson next year on my own--living truly on my own for the first time--and I think, "How long would it take until I was posted on here?  Until I was browsing around for friends?"  As much as I want to make fun of these people, I have to give them a round of applause.  They're exposing themselves in such a way to be ridiculed, to be manipulated, to be...liked?  Is the world really full of that many bad people?

I say this because I too have been a successful customer on Craigslist.  I recently rented a small guest house for the following year from a young couple.  It's always a little crazy, a little out-on-a-limb, little leap-of-faithish making big commitments with strangers: signing your life away for the next year on a lease, sending a security deposit worth most of your current checking account balance, and just trying to trust someone in so little time.  But the main feeling I had was this: beautiful.  If people can get to know each other (just enough) and trust each other (just enough) in this crazy world, makes you think: well, it's (we're) not so crazy after all.